So my third son will be become a bar mitzvah in a couple of days. I find myself very excited and very sad at the same time. My mother has been dead for five months. It’s the first occasion that I have planned without her.
I’ve had months to anticipate this event with my mother’s absence. She taught me a lot and infused me with a lot of confidence so planning menus and parties doesn’t stress me out. My husband is very helpful and capable. My son is well prepared and excited to shine on his big day.
My mother had impeccable taste and dressed beautifully. I loved to take her shopping with me for these events. This was the first time I had to go on my own. I went to a store she and I loved. I found the perfect outfit for my son’s bar mitzvah.
I told my sister, “I found an outfit and mom loves it.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
“I could hear her voice in my head,” I confidently told her.
I guess that’s how it goes, going forward. That’s what others tell me. Her presence will be with me, though her absence will always be felt. I feel incredibly weepy as the day approaches.
And then the snow came. About a foot.
Really? Sometimes it feels like I get a little too much of the bad stuff when God passes things out. I don’t want to sound ungrateful – there’s mostly good things in my life. And I know winter events are iffy. But why me?
Fortunately my son is oblivious to the stress. So I just quietly take one for the team. And hope for the best.
My sister lives in the Midwest. Without too much drama, I told her she has to get here, even if she has to drive the nine hours. My Mom won’t be here but I need my sister by my side.
Keep your fingers crossed…