I anticipated my son’s bar mitzvah with trepidation. Yes, I was looking forward to the service and celebration. But I was also dreading it and wondering if I would be a weepy mess, missing my mother.
Once the snow became a non-issue, the sun came out, everyone arrived from out of town as scheduled, and I felt tentatively excited and happy. Everything went as planned. My son did a wonderful job, as did the rest of our family and friends. I found myself “in the moment” during the service, very engaged, and happy. How could I not be happy? I was surrounded by so many people who love and care about me. And who knew my mother. They all assured me that a) she loved my outfit, and b) she was beaming with pride from up above.
I wore jewelry of my Mom’s throughout the weekend, and of course her coats. I could feel her style and panache channeling through me as I prepared for each event. I faltered when choosing a necklace to wear one night.
“Don’t over-think it,” my sister said. “Just go with it.”
Thank goodness for her grounding sensibility to keep me on track. Just like my mother would.
It occurred to me when the weekend was over that I felt more happy than sad. I was pleasantly surprised to feel that way. It makes me hopeful that I will feel fuller happiness as time goes on, without my mother in my life. I realize she is everywhere. In the love and nurturing I receive from my dear friends and family. In the way my dad, sister and I always ask, “What would Rita do?” In my children.
I am ever an optimist, like my mother, although a more cynical one. She lived every day to the fullest. And I will too.
Hi Susan,Thanks so much for your uplifting thoughts. Your mother was a true gem, and we all miss her very much. I always felt she was the glue who kept all of us together.
Thanks Sue. I’m so glad you and your family could be with us for the bar mitzvah to be part of the “glue” that keeps my Mom with us.
Nice Susy-q….loved it Keepin my comment simple this to around 😍
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I am so glad you found a piece of happiness. My mom said you looked gorgeous and the ceremony had a lovely warm glow. I am sorry we missed it. (P.S. I love your blog and all your “insights”).
I enjoyed the hopefulness in this post. I am glad to see thatt happinessiness prevailed. Mazel Tov to all of you!
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May happiness always prevail.
I’ve enjoyed all your reflective writings Susan.